If You Could Have Witnessed An Event In History, Which Would You Choose? Why?

     

    This is a make up for March 22nd.

    If I could witness any history event it would be Mötley Crüe's Shout At The Devil tour in 83'/84'. That's my favorite album they made, and probably my favorite album ever. I love their costumes they wore. You can see them in their music videos for 'Looks That Kill' and 'Too Young To Fall In Love'. Their hairstyles are EVERYTHING! \m/ I tried to make my hair like Nikki Sixx's a few times. I have pics on my social media. Heck, I'll just make it my pic for this blog! I don't know where they got their costumes, but I need to know. 😍 I also would have loved to see this concert so I can sarcastically say Satanic shit just to piss the haters off. I'd purposely say 'Shout With The Devil', well, cause I can. I wish I could see Nikki Sixx set his legs on fire like you see in their music video for 'Live Wire', which is from their first album, 'Too Fast For Love'. Nikki used warlock's in the early eighties and he got me so obsessed with them. I have a Harley Benton warlock. Nikki had(still has) his BC Rich. I wish I could have it. I'd keep it framed/hung on my wall. I'd also clean it a lot so it doesn't get too dirty. I know that'll never happen though...💔😭 Mötley has been my number one band since I was thirteen. I'm twenty-eight now, and still fangirl over Nikki Sixx all the time. 💘 I wish I could just talk to him about anything. Mainly our pasts and how we have so much in common. Especially with our family life when we were kids... I mentioned what in my blog I did for Nikki Sixx. Another cool and personal reason I'd wanna see them in 83' is so I can also see my favorite artists before they passed... 😞💔 I'm so sick of losing everyone I love... Since I was in my mid-teens, I've always been scared shitless I'd lose Nikki and Mick. I mean, I don't wanna lose anyone in the band. Nikki is my... Everything. He's like a counselor for me. He has great advice and inspiring quotes. My favorite quote by him is 'It's okay to be different.' - Nikki Sixx. I want that tattooed on me eventually. 🖤 ...I think that about wraps it up for this blog. I just wanted to share what event in history I'd love to see. At least I can see it on YouTube! 😅😂 I hope you have a great rest of your day! Thank you so much for reading!

 

Time For Thunderstorms!!!

     This blog is a makeup blog for March 21st.

    It's a pretty chill night tonight. I'm just making up blogs that I forgot to do. The weather is too cold to go outside... I tried to enjoy outside a few times the past couple days. Tomorrow hopefully. I guess spring's over with. I didn't pay much attention to that since I don't go to school anymore. It's almost April. Then summer will be here, and hopefully I can go to World's Of Fun. Also, hopefully by then, band practice will start again... I hope... We have so much shit to get done... At least the snow's done for a while! I'm so stoked about that! I really hate winter time. I don't go out cause it's way too cold and the weather is bs all the time... Since it's almost April, hopefully thunderstorms will happen a lot! I 'm not ready for tornado tests... That's the shittiest thing about living in the center of the US... I'd rather deal with earthquakes... I'm really looking forward for bedtime when there's a good thunderstorm and heavy wind! I wish I could hear rain every night. It calms me. There's an app called Calm and you can choose whatever nature sound you want including rain and ocean waves. I haven't used it in a very long time... I think tonight's a great night to do that! I hope it can last all night! My phone will be on the charger, so I don't think It'll die... Hopefully not... I'll find out!

    Okay, after this blog I have a week's worth of make up blogs to do! Stay tuned! Thank you so much for reading these blogs! It means a lot! \m/

Music. Lyrics. Bass.

     

    This blog is a make up blog for March 20th.

    I haven't played my bass much... I don't know... I'm just not inspired... I haven't been for a while now... I really need to get back to doing music... At least sit down and write a song. Well, the lyrics. There's so much I have to write about, I'm just not good at putting how I feel in words. Looks like my band is still together. One of the band mates called me. Him, out guitarist, and I got together one day and hung out for a bit. It was great to be together again, all three of us. I can't wait to start band practice again! That'll give me more ideas to blog about! I still know how to play drums, but I haven't done that in a long time... I play my bass some. Not much. I really need to stay dedicated to music and my music career if I wanna get somewhere... I have felt a little inspired lately after seeing Theory of a Deadman and Skillet in concert recently! \m/ Besides, I can't let my heroes down... That's the worst thing I could do... I need to stay dedicated to them and music. I mean... music and them DID save my life. I'll try to get lyric ideas, and a story for my songs down. If I do, I save it in my notes in my phone. Let's see where that goes for now! I have a lot going on now since I'm back to blogging, music, and trying to get a job. I just wanted to update you that I'm never gonna quit music. I still wanna tour the world! Stay tuned for more blogs! \m/

Septum Piecing

     

    I got my next septum piercing size recently. I ordered the next size, which I'm waiting on. I always forget where I'm at on gauges. I'm going to a size six. After that, I'll be done sizing up my septum piercing. I've had my septum for many years now. I started sizing up last year. I'm not far. I think I'm in the middle...? I plan to get a few more body piercings, not many, then I'll be done getting body piercings. After that, I'll focus on more tattoos. I still want to be a body piercer... I don't know who to go to... It has to be close to me, not downtown... I'll probably blog more about my septum later. I have a few more make up blogs to do... Some of these are gonna be pretty short. I apologize. It's just, I don't have much to say about certain topic I blog about, such as this one. After this blog, I have nine more to do. This was a makeup for March 19th... When I'm all caught up, I'm gonna do my best to not get behind again... Ideas are killing me. Heh... Well, I hope you have a great night! Eventually my blogs will get longer like they use to! I have to get caught up and have good ideas that I know I'll have much to say about.

Jobs

 This blog's a make up for March 18th. After this I have six more to do.

    Today I applied at two places(28th). Hopefully I'll hear from them soon. I'll call them tomorrow to let them know I applied. I need to check up on Game Stop tomorrow from yesterday's application. I know I'm still blogs behind. Don't worry. I'm making them up! I just need to find something to blog about. Today I went to a pottery class and painted a hedgehog and made it look like my favorite Pokémon, Cyndaquil. <3 I got a Starbucks today. That was good. The weather was a little cold. Sadly I still can't enjoy going outside. I'm staying in until the weather gets nicer. I had pasta for dinner. I played my Nintendo Switch Oled(Super Animal Royale). I wore my boots today, which I haven't worn in a short while. I found a bike I like at I think Savers. If I get the bike, I plan to use that instead of Uber, unless my boyfriend takes me to work. I just wanted to share about the job applying. Hopefully in the future I can work at Spencer's again... Whenever that'll be... They're not hiring now... I'll call the places I applied at tomorrow and see if I can set up interviews. If that works, hopefully I can start working this week or next week. That's my goal. That's all I wanted to share for tonight. I will have a few more blogs up tonight though. I really need to stay focused on blogging so I don't keep getting behind... Talk to you later! Have a good night! \m/

What Do You Want To Improve Upon?

    This blog is a makeup for March 17th. After this, I have seven more to do before the days done! Stay tuned! \m/

    

    There's so much I'd like to improve on, and some I need to improve on. One of them is scheduling. I'm getting better at that, but before I was having difficulties with it. If I have an appointment I put it in my phone calendar and two handheld calendars. I put reminders in my phone all the time. After that, then I put it in my handheld calendars. I have two of them. One I keep on me and one I keep at home. Whether it's a concert, appointment, meeting, meet up, I put it in my calendars. I use alarms as well. I use to suck at that, but now I've gotten better at it. I'm very organized. Not as organized as my Aunt though! I wish. She's really good at it! Another thing I'd like to improve on is my communication skills a little more. It's been a while since I had a job, and I kinda went back to being shy and quiet all the time... I'm good at my communication skills when I go to places like stores or restaurants. I had to go to Game Stop and check in on my application again. The manager wasn't there. I left my number. Hopefully I get the job, and get back to getting better at talking to other people.

    Another thing I'd like to improve on is feeling closer to my siblings. They're in different states. My sister's in Colorado and my two younger brother are in Wyoming. I don't see them a lot.. Hardly ever... It sucks... I really miss them... I'm sure when we all meet again we'll have a lot to say to each other about our lives. I haven't seen them in a few years... I'd give anything to see them more often, but I don't think that's possible... 💔 I can snapchat them, call or text them. I really need to do that more often... 😞 I'm gonna stop here on talking about my family. It kills me... </3 I think this blog is about done... I'm sorry... I get sad when I talk about my siblings because I really miss them... Thanks for tuning in to this short blog. Sorry It's so short... I have more to come though. Stay tuned!

If You Were Told You Will Die On Friday, & Today Is Monday, What Would You Do?

 

*This is a makeup blog for March 16th. After this I need to make up for the 17th-24th.*

    If I were to die on Friday and today's Monday, I'd like to do a lot of things. I can't though because 1. guardianship... 2. money. One thing I'd like to do is to go to California. I want to go to L.A. and go to the Whiskey A-Go-Go. I also want to go to Kat Von D's tattoo shop. (her old shop. I don't know what's going on with it now.) I want to see Mötley's star on the Walk of Fame and get a picture with it. I would never leave Cali. Once I'm there, I'm there. No going back. Unless it's to Seattle, Wa. or Florida. That's it. Another thing I'd like to do is write lyrics with Nikki Sixx. I'd give anything if that could happen, but I know it won't... If anyone knows how or if that's possible, please let me know! I also want Nikki(Sixx) to tattoo on me his autograph. I'm gonna get it one day, but I'd prefer if it were him. A very important thing I've always wanted to do is to perform with my favorite bands. Especially Asking Alexandria. I saw them last year, and couldn't perform with them cause of stupid covid, but they said next time they come, I can perform with them! I hope they come back soon! <3 \m/ I miss them a lot...

    If I died on Friday, another thing I'd want to do is be in a movie, even if it was a short part. I've wanted to act in movies since I was about 14(?)ish. I'm good at memorizing lines from my favorite movies, but I'm scared I won't if I had my own part in a movie... Thankfully a long time ago I learned actors don't remember EVERY line they have when filming. I feel bad saying this, but that made me feel better and relieved. I'd also get to learn how they do crazy stuff like behind the scenes or how they act out how they use chainsaws in movies. The movies I see that stuff in it doesn't scare me, but not knowing how they did that and staying safe does. I'm always like 'How the fuck did you act that out?!' It's cool and crazy what movie magic can do! I should have taken a film class in high school... I regret that a lot... If I did make it in the movie business, hopefully I could work with my favorite actors. Some of them are Wes Bentley(Ghost Rider), Kiefer Sutherland(The Lost Boys), Kris Lemche(Final Destination 3), and Ryan Bollman(Children of the Corn II). Hell, if I could just meet them that would mean everything... Obviously that won't happen either... 💔😭

    This blog and a few more will be a little shorter than usual since I have a lot to make up. I hope you enjoyed reading this blog! Go check out my previous blogs if you haven't already! Thank you so much and have a great day!    

If You Could Change One Thing About Your Life, What Would It Be?

    

Sorry I haven't been posting blogs! I've been a little busy. I have to do seven makeup blogs! This is the first one! I'll do the rest tomorrow!

    If I could change one thing in my life I'd get rid of all my health bs. I hate it. It's embarrassing... I want to be normal and have a normal body and not look like hell. If it's true about next life's I'm never coming back. Why risk all this crap again?! It's not worth it. I plan to make a schedule routine for getting into shape. I need to fix my eating habits. That's the biggest one I need to change. I tried the keto diet and it was hell. I'm gonna eat more fruits, drink more water, and exorcise. I wish I had that bike treadmill thing. I'd be on that with my music on all the time. I also think I should get some weights to lift. The dumbbells. I've wanted to get a small mixer like the ones that are part mixer part water bottle. I. just gotta save up for one. I'd drink fruit smoothies all the time! Hell, I'd probability drink those instead of sugary drinks. I need to get more motivated... That's my problem right now. I'm gonna work on that list, do the smoothies, and buy a set of dumbbells. I'll work on the exorcise bike later. I use to do Tai-Bo with my young cousin at her old house. We had fun doing that. We were so young too. I should get some of those dvd's of it and start something at least. I have a lot to work on when it comes to my body... This will be a big challenge for me. I know I can get through it though! Once that starts, hopefully I can lose a lot of pounds and get a smaller stomach. I'm very insecure about my body and that's the biggest one... That and my ass... I hate it. I know this blog's short, I apologize. I will work on the other makeup ones! I promise! Stay tuned!

If I Had Only Three People Over For Dinner

     I have three more blogs to do, then I'll be all caught up! I made up for March 11th. I still need to do the 13th(which is this one), 14th, and 15th(today). Sorry! I know I said daily, but hey! I do make up for whatever day(s) I missed. I promise. I keep ideas in my notes for backup on blog ideas. This one was one of them! Enjoy!

        If I had three people over for dinner, I'd choose Jimmy 'The Rev' Sullivan(RIP), drummer of Avenged Sevenfold, Sid Vicious from the Sex Pistols, and Nikki Sixx from Mötley Crüe. They mean everything to me. We'd talk about a lot of things! Whatever they wanted. I've always wanted to talk to Nikki Sixx about both our pasts and band interests. I know his past, and what bands he likes. We have a lot in common. Jimmy and I would be goofing around doing stupid shit probably. Haha. Sid... I don't know. Just talk about stuff. Get to know him better on a personal level. Nikki, Sid, and I had one parent who left us. I won't go any further with that. But that's why I feel comfortable talking to them about that shit. They understand. I have so much to say to all of them, but I can't. Sid yeah. Through EVP. Jimmy... I tried so hard through EVP... I wanna try again. Nikki... The only way I can contact him is through his social media... Honestly... Th four of us don't have to talk about music. It would mean everything if I could just sit by them. That would lower my anxiety and depression for the time being... I'd feel comfortable talking to them when it comes to personal things... As long as I make them happy.. and proud... That's all I ask... That and to never leave me spiritually... I won't go in to my evp sessions in case of hate comments... But I did ask him if he'd stay no matter what and if he's always with me... He said 'yes'... I don't know if you believe in an afterlife, but as long as I can be with all of them when I die and go to the afterlife, I wouldn't ask for anything more ever again... I really wish Sid and Jimmy were still here... I wonder if they would have their own families? Solo stuff? I know Sid had solo stuff back then. ...I don't know anything I can talk about for this blog... I just wanted this to get out there... Maybe someone would understand... How much it hurts... Not able to see or really communicate to someone you love on the other side... It hurts really bad... I feel so empty... Lost... I just want them back... But I know that'll never happen... 😥💔😞 Not until I die... Whenever that'll be... 💔

Dying My Hair/Body Insecurities

 

This blog is a makeup for March 11th. I have to make up for yesterday's blog and today's. That will be three blogs today! I try to stay dedicated to my blog channel.

    Anyone's whoever dyed their hair I'm sure knows it can be a bitch. It's too expensive to get it professionally done, so I just dye it myself. My hair's been a few different colors. Black, red, electric blue, dark brown from the fading black dye. Mine's currently black. It was fun with the bright colors and all, but they fade really fast, which I really hate. If it didn't fade fast, I'd probably keep it red. I don't re-dye my hair much. 1. money and 2. a lot of chemical and I don't wanna lose my hair. I'm never having my hair short again. I've it so many time through the years and at some point I had it cut. No more though. Last time I got it cut was when I was trying to show my family, the 'qualities' I need to have/do to be FTM(female to male). I'll never cut it short again unless I know for a fact I'd transfer genders. I'm not gonna go for 'I need the looks first', I'm going the 'It will for a fact happen, no if's and's or but's'. Do I feel like a guy? Sometimes. I know I'm not in the right body. It's weird. I know. If I can just get my chest to no chest, that would be great. Not for the sex change, but because at night it's sometimes uncomfortable because my chest is in the way and presses against my body, or when trying to make my arms comfortable, my chest tis always in the way and I hate it. They're too small and I'm so insecure about that. I don't want them bigger because of problems that can happen if you get implants. Leakage, too big, ect. A long time ago on a show called '1,000 Ways To Die',  a woman got her chest hella big and inside the silicones was a chemical or something. When she went on a plane and after it took off, her chest exploded and she died. So, yeah... I just wanna get rid of them... Plus in case breast cancer happens, I don't know if that runs in the family or if it's a 'it can happen to any woman' thing.  I don't wanna take any chances... I want them gone. Again especially for when I try to get comfortable in bed, cause their not comfortable in bed. Their always in my damn way. If my family, specifically my Grandma and Aunt, please understand that's the main reason I want my chest gone. Plus I'm so insecure about them and my body alone. I'll save up if you're alright with it. Anyway... I know this blog was about hair dye, then I talked about my chest issue... My bad! I hope you enjoyed this blog. I understand if you didn't. Heh... I will post my next two soon! Definitely before the night's over.

A Day In My Life... Good Luck!

    This blog is a makeup since I didn't do one yesterday! I'll also do a second one for today's blog! Sorry about last night! I couldn't think of anything! I also have my topic for today's blog! Stay tuned!

    If you wanted to be in my shoes for a day in my life as me, you wouldn't like it. Trust me. From mental health, boredom, and going manic in my mind trying to think of something to do, you'd lose it! I lose it a lot, but I don't physically or emotionally freak out. I'm freaking out in my head. I'm mentally saying things like 'try to think of SOMETHING to do today!' or 'I don't care what the topic is, just put another blog on my channel for the day!' I'm still looking for a job. I'm trying to get one at Game Stop, Target, I guess Walmart... Maybe... I heard they're quitting selling birth control and other things to keep women safe from risking their lives getting pregnant. If that's true, I will never work at that store. I'm planning on Barnes & Noble, as long as they allow tattoos and body piercings. I won't work anywhere that would make me take off my piercings or cover my tattoos. That means no Bed Bath & Beyond. That was my first job. I worked there almost a year in 2014-2015. Then things went down from 'home' issues, so I had to quit. I've always wanted to do body piercings and still do today. It's really hard to find someone that can teach me. Either people already have apprenticeship or are full of workers and can't get any more. I have a binder and study what I need to know when becoming a body piercer such as getting a license certificate to types of piercings. I need to take a pathogens test and an anatomy class for the different types of body piercings. I hope that starts this year... It'd mean everything!

    Every day for me is just another day here, unless something interesting happens. Other than that, it's dumb. Worth it? Sometimes, not always, I'll be honest. I do enjoy days when I can get out and go to places. Days I'm stuck at home, my mind wanders every worthless second. Haha. Things that would make it fun would be going to theme parks, here in KCMO we have World's Of Fun. There's an Oceans of Fun, which is attached to World's now. The two parks are now one. It happened years ago. Now it's more expensive. That, and I'm not going alone. Now! In October at World's they have 'Halloween Haunt' and there's people in costumes, there's small 'haunted homes' like 'Lore of the Vampire'(my favorite and more. They change ideas a lot, but Lore of the Vampire is always there. I really want to go to the haunted houses downtown KCMO. I've been to 'The Beast' and 'The Edge of Hell'. There's a big yellow python at one of them. I think she passed away a few years ago, I don't remember... It took like five or six, maybe more people to hold her whole entire body. She was beautiful! 'The Beast' has werewolves and other things. There's one haunted house I've always wanted to go to and that's 'Macabre Cinema', which has horror movie characters such as Chucky, Jigsaw, I'm sure 'The Grudge' and Samara from 'The Ring'. Lucifer help me if Samara and Kayako are in the house! I'd quickly pass by because they scare the shit outta me! Always have since I saw their movies as a young teen. I love the movies, but those girls... Hell no! Haha.

    So there you have it. It's not everything in my daily life, but it's a few things. I hope you enjoyed this late blog! Sorry about that! Tonight's blog will be up before bed! I promise! I just wanted to get this make up one's done for yesterday so I won't freak out later tonight having to deal with two blogs to work on. I hope you enjoyed this one! Have a great day! Keep rockin'! \m/

If Movies Were Real

 

    

    If movies were real, I know my life would be a hella lot better. That would mean my 'Lost Boys'(1,2, & 3) would be real. That would help a lot with my mental health. I'm not saying all my problems would be gone forever, but my Lost Boys would make my life a whole lot better. We could go for bike rides every night, Paul(Brooke McCarter) and I would definitely be jamming to eighties hair bands. Especially Mötley Crüe! They're my favorite band ever. Hopefully my Lost Boys would let me join them in becoming a full vampire. That'd mean a lot! <3 Because of my Lost Boys, I got obsessed with motor bikes and crotch rockets(in 2). Another best thing if they were real is that they live near the ocean. I've always wanted to live by the sea ever since I was in elementary school. I wanna hear the waves at night when I'm in bed. My Lost Boys could keep me safe. I thought I'd have so much to say, but I guess I don't.  If my Lost Boys from the second one took me with them, we could surf all night, go for bike rides, and parties! In 'The Thirst'( Lost Boys 3) Dj X(main vampire) and I would travel the world and have raves every night! That'd be so much fun! ...Minus drugs. Dj could probably teach me some of his moves he's learned for many life times. I'm not asking to be a master like him, but enough to protect myself if anything bad were to happen. I know damn right I'd feel safe with him. I mean, knowing all those moves, PLUS being a vampire?! There's nothing that he can't handle. I mean, obviously holy water, stakes, and maybe bombs<?>. My Lost Boys could also help me not be such an ass to myself. There's times every once in a while where I cry, wishing they were real and could take me with them... </3 I just wanna say thank you for reading my blogs! It means everything! I hope everyone has a great night! It's almost midnight here! Be back tomorrow!

My Harley Benton Warlock Bass

 Since I got into Mötley Crüe, especially Nikki Sixx, I got so obsessed with warlocks. Nikki Sixx had a black one and a white one. He had a BC Rich. Mines a Harley Benton. I looked at BC Rich's and they're too expensive... Also very rare to find... Which sucks. I named my warlock after Nikki Sixx. I want to get a red pentagram on the back of mine. On the fret board, I either want NIKKI SIXX or FELIX SIXX. I plan to legally change my name to Felix Sixx one day. Either Nikki's name, my name, or red upside down pentagrams, or the anarchy sign on the frets instead of dots. I can't decide! I dig the pentagram and/or the anarchy logo, but really want mine to look like Nikki's BC Rich during the SHOUT! era in 1983-84'. I might just do my custom ideas and wait to get a BC Rich, then have Nikki's name on the fret board. Not sure how much it'll cost to customize my fret board. I'll hook it up after this blog. You'd think not that expensive... I don't know, but no matter the cost, I'm gonna get it done one day. I'm so excited! Guitar Center has these coffin guitar cases, and I want one soooo bad for my warlock!!! The inside is red! They're so cool looking and I love Halloween theme stuff, along with anything on death. I wonder if I can get my tuners to be a red chrome color? Definitely gonna do that if it's possible! I'm obsessed with red chrome. I also wanna get a new guitar strap. Either pentagrams or the anarchy logo. More than likely, I'll do the pentagrams. ...I just checked if there's any anarchy straps, but I can't find the one I want. There is this black strap with red 2" steel pentagram rings. I'll post a picture at the top. I think I'll just go with that one. I decided what frets I want on my fret board. I want the anarchy logo, since the guitar strap will have pentagrams on it. That's all I wanna do when it comes to customizing my bass. Oh! I want Nikki Sixx's autograph in red on it if that's possible. I think that's it for tonight's blog! Thanks for reading and have a good night! \m/ Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog!

Open/Public Letter To My Fallen Angels(Musicians) RIP

                                                                                                                                         3/8/23

    Dear Jimmy Sullivan(Avenged Sevenfold) and Sid Vicious(Sex Pistols),                                                  

    I've been blogging a lot lately with my new blog channel. It's hard for ideas half the time for me to think of, so I go online for ideas. Just like my lyrics. Heh. I put some in my notes so I wouldn't have constant writer's block like I normally do. Tonight's blog idea was to write an open letter to someone. As always, I thought of you guys. The two of you never leave my mind. I'm sure you knew that for years now. I hope. <3 This blog is the most personal one I have now, and probably the most important blog I've ever done. I'm so scared to post this... Not a day or night goes by without you on my mind. I love and miss you guys like crazy... It hurts too much... I wish you were here... That or if I was with you... Wherever you are... I'd give anything to bring you guys back to life... I'd sell my soul, or do a simple trade for mine if it means for you to come back... I try to live for you, and I try to do the best I can. I just wanna make you guys happy and proud. Do I?!... I feel I've failed you so many times... The worst thing I've done was overdose on my meds a few years ago. I didn't do it on purpose. I did something that I was scared my guardians would get mad at. They wouldn't have. We talked about it. I'm never doing that again. All it did was make me tired for a few days... I don't think I can forgive myself for it. I always say I'm fine cause I have you guys, many more bands, and musicians by my side. Things today are getting a lot better. Not a whole lot, but a lot. I'm thankful for that. I don't know if you can hear me every time, or at all, but I like to think you do. It helps me feel better. I wish I could see you guys... Hang out for a day or 24 hours straight. ...Or forever.. But that's gonna take forever... I promise I do try to live for you guys... It'd be easier if you were still here... Alive... I keep trying to find wallet size pictures of you guys so I can take you with me everywhere I go. I can't find any... Even if it was just a polaroid of you two, that'd be perfect. I'm never gonna stop looking for one. I hope you can see my memorial I have for you guys in my front room. I sing to you all the time. I break down half the time. Speaking of music, I wish I could write and create music with you guys. Maybe in another life. Hopefully... I just wanna be by your side so bad... I don't know if you know this, but I've written so many lyrics and poems for you guys. I still do. Poems are a lot easier to come up with. I don't know if spirits sleep, but if so, I don't wanna keep you long. I mean... I do, but I can't be greedy... I'd feel like an asshole... "Forever yours, forever you."(Evanesence) Before I go, I need to share a song to you guys that I've listened to and played for you for many years. Okay. Two song by them. The lyrics are below. Sweet dreams Jimmy and Sid. I love and miss you foREVer. Goodnight. (blows a kiss)

Forgive Me(Evanesence)

"Can you forgive me again?

I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you"

Anywhere(Evanesence)

"Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me

And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand

[CHORUS:]
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the mornings light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you 
^ or my version for you. "Forget this life. I'll go with you. I won't look back, I'm safe now. Unlock my heart. Drop my guard. No one's left to stop us now"
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now

[Chorus]

[Silence]

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah"

A Little Bit About Me

  

  I had a meeting today about my IEP. It went really well! Better than I thought honestly! :D Hear me out. I'm on disability and guardianship, which means I'm limited on certain choices, such as medical stuff. I talked with my family and case manager. My Aunt asked my case worker to write a letter to the judge to lower the guardianship a little so I can get my driving license. That's gonna get done soon! I have a brain injury from when I was born. I had lack of oxygen. Because of that, I was on cardiac arrest. I lost oxygen to my brain. That is why I'm slow on some things and have some memory problems. I'm embarrassed to talk about it to anyone, but no one on here will see me. I'm twenty-eight years old. I've had guardianship for a long time. I'm just recently as of somewhat last year, to this year figuring things out myself to where I can understand it. I do get confused easily and forget things a lot. To help with that, I put everything in my notes on my phone/laptop. They share the same notes. I also have two physical calendars to write down important appointments, family stuff, ect. which I also put on my phone calendar. I have autism, as much as I'm embarrassed to admit that. My family always tells me it's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I don't know why I have a hard time accepting that it's okay. They're right. I'm just very self cautious about myself and my past health what I mentioned above. I have a huge support system, including my family, boyfriend, case workers, ect. I live in an assistant living apartment, where they help me learn my meds, which I FINALLY got better at! I don't remember some doses, and the ones I do, I get mixed up with another medication. I take my meds a certain time. I have three morning meds, a noon med, and two meds for bedtime. I have a pill box I use, and I only get my meds for 3 days as of now. I go to the office when I'm on my last day of meds so I have my next three days before the next day starts. I hope that made sense.. I'm sorry if it didn't! The past few days have been bad for my mental health, but after the meeting I had, I feel amazing and a whole lot better. I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful I have so much support from many people. Everyone's so sweet and understandable. Honestly I'd be more lost without them. Before guardianship, no one really taught me to be to be independent. My Dad tried a couple things, such as budgeting and taking the bus. I wasn't happy with my life at all from then, til' I moved back to Missouri from Wyoming, which I call Shitomying. It was very rough there. All my friends were in Missouri. I made a couple friends in Wyoming, which was good. There really wasn't anything to do there unless you went to Casper, Wy. It's not huge, but for Wyoming it is. They had a mall thankfully. I've come a far way since then! A very far way, and I couldn't be more happier! <3 I do these blogs to hopefully get a career out of this. I love being creative in my writing. I though doing blogs, making my own blog was a great idea! I can come here to express my feelings easily without hesitation. ..Unless I get writers block. Haha. That happens half the time, which is why I try to have a new blog topic for the next day, then I'll put it in my phone calendar. I'll talk more about myself in other blogs, but I try to keep it more focussed on music and movies. I guess my title, 'The Music In Me' can also represent other things, and not just music. I'll figure it out! I always do! Like when I made a blog about my Lost Boys(1987)! I plan to do more blogs on movies as well! <3 I hope you enjoyed tonight's blog! I will post again tomorrow! Goodnight! \m/

Sixx:A.M. Tattoo

 

    Either last year or the year before that, I got a tattoo that represents two songs about drug addiction and overcoming it. I was searching for the drug recovery logo. I saw one that looked like steam from coffee. I chose that. The songs by them I chose are 'Talk To Me' and 'Maybe It's Time'. These songs are by Nikki Sixx's(Mötley Crüe) band Sixx:A.M. I'm very emotional about the subject on drug addiction. A while later(a month ago), I researched again if the logo was the right one. It wasn't... The one I got was the symbol for food eating disorders. I mean, I have that, but I wanted it to be the drug recover logo. That's my fault for not searching deeper on the right symbol. One day, I plan to get that logo fixed somehow. Somehow... There's more tattoos I wanna get that are inspired by Sixx:A.M. and Nikki himself. Nikki use to be a heroin addict in the eighties. He overdosed tw
ice from it. The second time he did, which is the one he wrote a book about his diary entries called 'The Heroin Diaries: A Year In the Life of A Shattered Rockstar, he died for two minutes. He was revived by a paramedic who was a huge fan. I'm so thankful he saved Nikki. I wish I could personally tell him. I know there's not a whole lot to say about this blog, but I have a goal to do one blog a day. So far I've been doing good! It's almost eleven at night here. I was having a hard time trying to think of a subject to talk about tonight. I'm kinda ashamed I didn't come up with this earlier... I should just write down a topic in my calendar each day with a blog idea. Then I wouldn't be blogging late at night. I hope everyone has a great and safe night! Thank you so much for reading my blogs! It means everything to me. I'll be sure to have tomorrow's blog subject before noon tomorrow. I will try to think of ideas until I go to bed tonight. Who knows, I may come up with an idea late tonight while in bed. It happens to me a lot when it comes to making TikTok videos, which I still haven't made yet.

Women's Rights Are No Longer Because No One Cares Anymore

        Today's been a... Bleh kinda day... My minds wonders all over the place all the time, but the biggest thing I can only think of is this overturn on Roe vs Wade bullshit. They made it illegal to have abortions. Families will lose their mothers/wives. For those who stand for anti-abortion, I won't feel bad if you lose whoever because of pregnancy affects or childbirth. You stood agains abortion, therefore killing your spouse. Women's health is declining and depression is worse because of this shit. I don't even wanna be here anymore, because of it. I have bad anxiety and depression. I've had thoughts of death since high school. I thought I was doing good until these assholes banned women's rights. It's worse now. My thoughts. Am I gonna tell anyone? Fuck no, cause I don't trust anyone. Those who are anti-abortion obviously won't give a shit. What's a woman(any woman) have to do to show how much this impacts us in a very bad way?! Will there be a public mass suicide just to show these assholes what they've done by taking women's rights away?! Not only that, but their lives too... I read some CVS stores won't carry birth control anymore. I'm never going there again. I gotta check if my meds are from there, cause if they are, they need to be from someone else, not CVS. I really wish Trump was back in office. I'd give anything and everything. I hate Biden so fucking much. This life's not worth it anymore. I think I should end this blog, before it gets worse... Thanks for reading! I hope you have a great and safe night! :)

Sizing Up My Septum Piercing

    

A while back I was wanting to gauge my septum piercing. I have the final one I wanna get too and a few others that are before that. I need to get the small sizes to go up more. I have the 8g, but that's the one that's before the final one I want which is a 6g. I need a 12g and a 10g septum ring. I'll have to check tomorrow to make sure I have the ones I said I have. I took a huge hiatus on trying to size up my septum ring. Before, I skipped like two or three sizes, which made my septum a tad infected. I took it out immediately. That was some time last year. The final one I have is red and black, which are my favorite colors. It's also a pincher septum ring, which is what I really wanted. I've seen women with these pincher septum rings and thought they were so beautiful. After I get to the 6g, I will no longer size up my septum ring. That will be it for me. I do need a lot more tattoos, and about a handful more piercings. I plan to be covered in tattoos. I hope to one day find a body piercer who would like to apprentice me. I'll have to take a blood borne pathogens class so I don't make any mistakes. I really hope that goal happens sometime this year. It would mean everything to me, plus I'd have a job where I can take with me if I were to travel. This blog is gonna be a short one because there's not much for me to talk about, and I don't wanna drag this on with nonsense. That's my blog for tonight! I hope you all enjoyed it! What are your favorite piercings? What piercings do you have? Do you have a favorite to least favorite? If anyone has any advise on doing body piercing, please comment below! Thank you so much! \m/

I Plan To Move To Sweden One Day

     For quite a few years I've been going back and fourth wanting to move to Sweden or not. Ever since half the states banned abortion, and quit caring about women's health, my bad thoughts came back.. I was doing so good... Til' that shit happened... I'm scared. I have health issues and if I were to get pregnant, I wouldn't be able to get a epidural. I don't handle pain well. Especially my stupid back cause it's so fucked up... I don't even think I'd survive... I hate being a woman. I hate half this country. I don't wanna be here, nor belong here. I belong in a place where women's rights actually matter and not live in a place where assholes banned women's rights. If I get this job I applied at, I'm saving up to move to Sweden. I can speak some basic Swedish, I know what to expect weather wise, and I'm still looking up what I'll have to do. I know a few things I'll have to do, such as getting a green card. Either way, I don't care the amount it takes to live in Sweden. My health, physically, mentally, and emotionally, especially emotionally, matters way more. Honestly especially all three of them.

    

That's not the only reason I want to move to Sweden. I also wanna go to the Ice Bar in Stockholm. I wanna have friends from around the world. I don't wanna live in a country full of greed and selfishness. I may not like the winter time, but I wanna learn to snow board. I know it snows half the year or something like that, but I thought I'd just make the best of it. The Swedish love coffee and so do I! I use to drink 3-5, maybe 6 cups of coffee when I went to restaurants. Four creams and four sugars per drink. I don't do much sugar in my coffee much anymore like I use to. A super important reason I want to live in Sweden is because they love metal! \m/ That's a perfect place to start a band! Some bands I like that are from Sweden are Avatar, BatAAr(they're not together anymore), and Arch Enemy. I'd give anything if this will work! It would mean the world to me! <3 \m/

    As of now, when it comes to moving to Sweden, I know I have a long way to go. There's so much that needs to be done. I'm not looking forward to the six months back and fourth from the US to Sweden... I just wanna stay in Sweden... Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of places I wanna visit in the US. The Shining hotel, Hotel Chelsea where Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy lived in room 100. They haunt the place along with some other famous people. I also really wanna go to Santa Cruz where 'The Lost Boys'(1987) was filmed. That's my favorite movie ever! I wanna go LA and see Mötley Crüe's star on the Walk of Fame, and much more! ...I am sorry to say it's getting late here. It's almost 10:30pm and i took my sleep meds an hour ago. I will be back tomorrow though!!! I was so scared if I'd get a blog in tonight or not! The first thing that came to my mind was Sweden, so I blocked all other ideas I could have came up with. Have a great night! Stay safe!

Blogger & Facebook

 So now I can't post my blogs on facebook anymore. Facebook doesn't recognize this website(blogger). I think it's stupid. I guess the only way to share now(if it'll let me) are other social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram. On Facebook, I almost deleted today cause I've had issues in the past posting stuff cause FB's too sensitive. It's the website Blogger I guess. Nothing bad, just, Facebook doesn't know it. This was the only free blogging website/platform I could find because others you had to pay... I'm not paying anything just so I can blog... I'm so sorry if I sound rude, I'm just kinda upset cause now I don't know how to share my blog. Twitter or Instagram maybe. Hopefully they'll work. Twitter worked for me before posting my blogs.. Hopefully it still does. I thought of texting my friends and family the link to my blog. That'll work thankfully! I don't have much to say for this blog. I just wanted to share what happened today. I hope everyone has a good night! I'll post another tomorrow! 😊

Demons, Spirits and the Paranormal

​

You ever watch any paranormal or demonic movies and get kinda paranoid before bed? I do! Heh.. I keep thinking they’ll come through the tv screen and into my life. I am interested in learning about demons and the paranormal, but at the same time it creeps me out. Mostly the demon subject. That’s thanks to horror movies. The Exorcist, Paranormal Activity series, Conjuring series, ect. They’re great movies, don’t get me wrong. Some parts of these movies creep me tf out! When I’m alone at my apartment, I lay in bed at night waiting for a noise, whether it be a voice or something moving or falling down. When I do hear things sometimes I instantly think “oh shit there’s a demon or a ghost here!” Haha. I love the dead but at the same time, I’m a tad creeped out from imagining creepy images of spirits. Not saying that’s how I hear from them. I just think that a lot. It can be awesome communicating with the paranormal, but also really scary. Make sure you protect yourself so no bad spirits like demons or probably Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacey. People like them. I say that cause I’m not sure if serial killers from the dead can hurt you or not. Another thing that scares me are mirrors. That’s thanks to Kiefer Sutherland’s movie ‘Mirrors’. Great movie but creeped me out. Not as bad as the Conjuring series though. I use to cover my mirror up cause I’d be afraid someone or something like ‘Bloody Mary’(I was young at the time) would come out of my mirror, so I use to cover it up as a teen. There’s one person on the other side who communicates with me sometimes, if I try to contact him. I won’t say who cause I don’t want people thinking I’m crazy like some have in the past. There are a lot of haunted places I want to go to so bad. The Amityville house, the Chelsea Hotel in New York where Sid and Nancy haunt. They live in room 100. I’d give anything to go to these places one day! I heard Amityville isn’t haunted anymore. That’s another great paranormal movie to watch!(the original from the 70’s)  when it comes to paranormal movies, I love the true story ones especially if it has demons. I have a hard time believing they exist. I need face to face proof, not a screen. Everything I see in the demonic movies seems so impossible to me… I’d like to believe they exist, but I need proof. Not a movie, nor YouTube video. Face to face. Not on a screen. I hope you enjoyed tonight’s blog! I will definitely talk more about the paranormal and demon subject in the future! Have a good night! Don’t let the demon in your closet get too close. XD the date for this post says the second not the first of March. It’s the first. It’s 10:56pm here.